The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
