stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
