break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
