She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
handjob tips. give me some.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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