There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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