I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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