I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
