dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
