3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
