I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize