matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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