weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
