Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
