You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
