yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
