last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this will be a night to untag.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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