I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
