i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
