Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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