oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
