He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
