Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
