Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
