Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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