Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
