Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
