i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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I need you to use more vowels.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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