it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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