He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things šš
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iām missing out on because of the virus
I instituted āquarantine and chillā months ago. Itās not like penises go soft just because theyāre working at home.
Randomize
