Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
