I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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