Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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