I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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