i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
