Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
