Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
