WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
