I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
