I just threw up on my dentist
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
