Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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