I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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