why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
