If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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