I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
