508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
