Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
MIDGETS
????
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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