Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
