I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
