I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
