he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
