id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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