I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
