you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
