So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
