i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
