i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
