theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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