It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
