God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
