You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
