She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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