I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
