You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
