well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
