Porn is love you can see.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
