i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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