his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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