my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
