go do what you do best...puke behind churches
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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