Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
