i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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