I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
