I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
