dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
