Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
