dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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