Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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