I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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