Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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