just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
